Men Belong In Church...even if the church doesn't act like it sometimes: Review of David Murrow's "Why Men Hate Going to Church"

David Murrow asks a valid question in his title. Why do men hate going to church? What do you do about the gender gap in the church? He spends the first half of the book defining his terms, proving there is a gap and pointing out the church's failings in focused detail. Has the church become a ladies club? Have we given up on the risen Christ as a "real man?" Is there any thing to do about it.



The second half of the book gives concrete help in amending church structure and style to appeal to boys and all ages of men.  My only critique of the book is the assumption that we can simply bend the shape of the church and be overrun with men.  This is not as easy as leaving out hugging or going with a solo "Man Up" style. Men are important and neglected but are still a part of the church's whole. We cannot control all of the cultural reasons that the church has this gender gap and we cannot leave the women out.  Murrow does, however, give an extensive list of things that are in the church control to be and become a "Church for Everyone."


The author also includes  an excellent presence on the web. His site, churchformen.com offers helps that are consistent with the book including a helpful pop quiz or "Guy Friendliness Test". He also has a speaker's board.   My church,deep in cowboy country in Texas, and I failed this test.  I am a real guy, ok?  This book opened my eyes to the guy repelling habits that I have and our church pays little attention to.  The hugging thing, getting the scriptural Jesus's story right, handling prayer, basics of ministry to and other things are fairly simple to fix.  This can be done without minimizing women and the holistic ministry of the church too. Murrow puts ministry to men on the "front burner" and then tells us ways to attract them.


I recommend this book highly to pastors, all age level ministers, Christian educators and worship leaders. This would help a Godly and frustrated wife or mom to understand her men.   "Why Men Hate Going to Church"  would probably not be a small group study but that is guy repelling anyway.  It would be a super staff study and focus book for any Men's Group or ministry.  


Tyndale publishing gave me this book through their BookSneeze program for free in exchange for this review. They expected and received my honest evaluation.  Thanks to them for the opportunity to read it and thank you for reading my review.  


Addendum:  Book review are worthless unless they come with some sort of application.  There are several of these types of books on the shelves right now.  I reccomend this oneand "Average Joe" by Troy Meeder, also reviewed on this blog.  Below are some random thoughts that sum up some of Rev. Murrow's advice and my observations.

• First, Every pastor, male or female, has had a conflict with a women's group, Sunday school class, choir or kitchen crew.  I am not alone in this experience.   Part of me understands why men give up and won't come.  The rest of me is terrified that the church will lose them, or worse, they will lose touch with Christ.  We lose their son's and many other boys with them.  Besides, it is nice to hang out and be a guy in ministry and not just the pastor.
• I will confirm about 20 young people in my 2 years here at this appointment-one of them is a male-a fine young man at that.  Where are the rest of them?   My trend over 20 years isn't much better.  This is a real issue and needs to be addressed.
• You don't have to minimize  women to attract men.  The book is not selling a patriarchal structure or merely stating an over correction.  
• Most spiritual formation and Christian Ed. literature appeals to women and girls.  Teachers and ministry leader have to work for the attention of boys and men.  Most lay volunteers either won't or can't.  Again, ed. leadership needs to build awareness.  
• Call men back.  Call them boldly with messages and programs that put men to doing.  Pastor them and expect them to find Christ.  Murrow says, "There's no need for knife-throwing during communion or hand-to-hand combat during the offertory"  well, maybe just a little (P. 125)
• Don't forget humor-it isn't just a guy thing.
• Watch the hugging, praying aloud, "Prayer mushrooms" (p. 195) and mixed groups but don't give up on it either.  All men aren't immune to such things.
• Relationships  for most men are different and so must relationship programming. So be different but teach it and have men's only events once in a while.
• Plan around men-even if they won't come at first. Hands on doing with men and boys will build the kingdom of God.
• Check out Murrow's website and do the survey.  Most is common sense but neglected by church leadership.  This is not a conspiracy by women-those who show up get to choose and deserve respect.  Men need an advocate,  Pastor!  That's you......and me.