Men Belong In Church...even if the church doesn't act like it sometimes: Review of David Murrow's "Why Men Hate Going to Church"

David Murrow asks a valid question in his title. Why do men hate going to church? What do you do about the gender gap in the church? He spends the first half of the book defining his terms, proving there is a gap and pointing out the church's failings in focused detail. Has the church become a ladies club? Have we given up on the risen Christ as a "real man?" Is there any thing to do about it.



The second half of the book gives concrete help in amending church structure and style to appeal to boys and all ages of men.  My only critique of the book is the assumption that we can simply bend the shape of the church and be overrun with men.  This is not as easy as leaving out hugging or going with a solo "Man Up" style. Men are important and neglected but are still a part of the church's whole. We cannot control all of the cultural reasons that the church has this gender gap and we cannot leave the women out.  Murrow does, however, give an extensive list of things that are in the church control to be and become a "Church for Everyone."


The author also includes  an excellent presence on the web. His site, churchformen.com offers helps that are consistent with the book including a helpful pop quiz or "Guy Friendliness Test". He also has a speaker's board.   My church,deep in cowboy country in Texas, and I failed this test.  I am a real guy, ok?  This book opened my eyes to the guy repelling habits that I have and our church pays little attention to.  The hugging thing, getting the scriptural Jesus's story right, handling prayer, basics of ministry to and other things are fairly simple to fix.  This can be done without minimizing women and the holistic ministry of the church too. Murrow puts ministry to men on the "front burner" and then tells us ways to attract them.


I recommend this book highly to pastors, all age level ministers, Christian educators and worship leaders. This would help a Godly and frustrated wife or mom to understand her men.   "Why Men Hate Going to Church"  would probably not be a small group study but that is guy repelling anyway.  It would be a super staff study and focus book for any Men's Group or ministry.  


Tyndale publishing gave me this book through their BookSneeze program for free in exchange for this review. They expected and received my honest evaluation.  Thanks to them for the opportunity to read it and thank you for reading my review.  


Addendum:  Book review are worthless unless they come with some sort of application.  There are several of these types of books on the shelves right now.  I reccomend this oneand "Average Joe" by Troy Meeder, also reviewed on this blog.  Below are some random thoughts that sum up some of Rev. Murrow's advice and my observations.

• First, Every pastor, male or female, has had a conflict with a women's group, Sunday school class, choir or kitchen crew.  I am not alone in this experience.   Part of me understands why men give up and won't come.  The rest of me is terrified that the church will lose them, or worse, they will lose touch with Christ.  We lose their son's and many other boys with them.  Besides, it is nice to hang out and be a guy in ministry and not just the pastor.
• I will confirm about 20 young people in my 2 years here at this appointment-one of them is a male-a fine young man at that.  Where are the rest of them?   My trend over 20 years isn't much better.  This is a real issue and needs to be addressed.
• You don't have to minimize  women to attract men.  The book is not selling a patriarchal structure or merely stating an over correction.  
• Most spiritual formation and Christian Ed. literature appeals to women and girls.  Teachers and ministry leader have to work for the attention of boys and men.  Most lay volunteers either won't or can't.  Again, ed. leadership needs to build awareness.  
• Call men back.  Call them boldly with messages and programs that put men to doing.  Pastor them and expect them to find Christ.  Murrow says, "There's no need for knife-throwing during communion or hand-to-hand combat during the offertory"  well, maybe just a little (P. 125)
• Don't forget humor-it isn't just a guy thing.
• Watch the hugging, praying aloud, "Prayer mushrooms" (p. 195) and mixed groups but don't give up on it either.  All men aren't immune to such things.
• Relationships  for most men are different and so must relationship programming. So be different but teach it and have men's only events once in a while.
• Plan around men-even if they won't come at first. Hands on doing with men and boys will build the kingdom of God.
• Check out Murrow's website and do the survey.  Most is common sense but neglected by church leadership.  This is not a conspiracy by women-those who show up get to choose and deserve respect.  Men need an advocate,  Pastor!  That's you......and me.

Tired of the Trivial: Going Deep by Gordon MacDonald

Going Deep is a book for those who are weary of mind candy.  On the surface this is a leadership geek book for pastors but there is more going on here.  Gordon MacDonald and his wife Gail are an amazing pastoral couple and give us a book with two threads.

 First, a process of leading a congregation from "my" (Gordon's) great idea to cultivate leadership to our purpose as the church. This process begins with the plea for an "Elevator Story" at a ball game, was filtered through a time of prayer, went to a church already accustomed to being "cultivated,  on to dreaming, informing, reflecting, selecting, cultivating, casting, adjusting, healing and building.  The end result is not a linear process but a culture that expects the cultivation of spiritual depth.  This is customary for most leadership books.

Second, "Going Deep" offers an almost magical look into a pastoral leader's thought process.  There are no punch lists and few bullet points.  The book offers a glimpse into the mind of a deep thinker as he journeys from the birth of a prayer borne idea to its evolution and application.  Written in a narrative style, it is both a teaching and learning experience.  The journey begins with a trip to West Point on to a conversation at a Red Sock's game, through the city dump, a rabbi's office and then through various levels and gatherings of the church.  The end result is not the end but a community of Cultivated Deep People-who happen to be Christ-Followers.

These are the main teaching points that I want to apply to my life and ministry.

• Pray for God to give you an idea and not merely ask a blessing on your idea. Trust God for your starting point.
• The time and talent of the pastor must be invested in the idea. PASTOR must make a stand. Have relationships with members deep enough to go to the ball game with.
• The time and talent of your pastor must be invested in the idea.  The CHURCH must likewise make a stand.  Have a deep enought relationship with your pastor and take him or her to the ballgame.  Allowing this level of focus by taking extraneous duties away makes this process a success.  And no, most of us don't have all of this staff and will stand alone to find this focus
•  Take your time and allow an idea to develop on the spiritual foundation that you have laid..  Most leadership books try to be instant-this one took two years and is still evolving.  
• Recruit core leaders who are teachable, grow-able and able to mentor.  Don't collect those that need to get involved to feel better or deal with a spiritual crisis.  
• Listen to all of your voices; executives, corporate trainers, rabbis, and various group members.  All are your counselors.  God's voice comes from the strangest places-don't forget to listen to member in the "corners", children and youth.
• Remember to let scripture guide and Journal.  There is power to writing down the journey. The Bible teaches powerfully in a narrative and so does George MacDonald.  Journaling a narrative during a long term project allows for feedback, correction and definitive assessment.
• Expect depth.  The author pushed courageously for depth and   "Depth comes before competence".  Too often we try to keep everyone comfortable-God tested and so should his church.  
• Keep current with technology-surround yourself with young people and young at heart.  There is nothing pious about being backward.  
• Finally, trust your people.  MacDonald's leadership let him lead and his diverse CDP (Cultivating Deep People) team members were trusted to follow and then lead.  He communicates the wonder of a deep thinking group of Christians sharing the same Christ led vision and watched as they wandered and discovered.

I was blessed by this book.  Any pastor, administrative leader, evangelism leader and Christian ed. leaders will be provoked to a new way through its subtle lessons.  Thanks to Tyndale's Book Sneeze program for giving me this book in exchange for this review.  They expected and received an honest review.  Thanks for reading TheThoughtfulPastor blog.